clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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