Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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