i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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