I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You can't motorboat a personality
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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