Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize