note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
