there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
