I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize