Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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