8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
