3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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