Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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