I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
