The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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