i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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