I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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