I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
