Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
