yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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