had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
