I should be sponsored by Trojan
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
