He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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