Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
