The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
