Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
