Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
