I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
