butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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