my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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