I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
