dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
babies were throwing up all over the place
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
