And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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