My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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