i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
