Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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