stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Green mimosas i think yes
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
