Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
