He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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