I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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