Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize