What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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