I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize