get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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