All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
