I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
