what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
