Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
...so i touched it.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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