as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The dick lei will go down in squad history
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
