Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
