She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
