I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
ttyl tear gas
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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