you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Green mimosas i think yes
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize