tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
