Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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