when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
