i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
