i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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