I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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