Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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