I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
