So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
