So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
