guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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