i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
