we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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