I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize