when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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