just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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