found the other keg... it's in the tree
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
