we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I still have a little drunk in my system
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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